if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
