she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
