i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
