if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
