I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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