oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
