i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
