Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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