im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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