my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
