she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
