we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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