thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Its about making memories worth repressing
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize