hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
