I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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