Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
