Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize