Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
