there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
