If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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