I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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