It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
