I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
