one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
this is an emotional support booty call
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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