she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
