My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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