Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
