he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize