"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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