Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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