Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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