And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
