giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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