We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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