A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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