Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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