wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
