Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
