Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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