I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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