why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
