If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
