Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
