This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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