Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
