Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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