So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
