i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
