your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
