okay pat passed out under dana's car
I cockslap morals
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
