You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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