so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
