Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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