:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
