Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize