Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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