Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
