Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
