You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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