There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
