Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
