I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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